Parenting, to be or not to be...But why not?

The Saturday past, I read with initial horror the excuses Singaporeans in their late 20s and early 30s give for not wanting children. Typically, it's about not being ready or not wanting to sacrifice self, for the burdens and responsibilities.

Shortly after, I read in another article about the mixed responses to Nicole Kidman's "childbearing" by surrogacy. One of her supporters stated that given her fertility difficulties, the fact that she went all out indicates her deep desire to be a parent, which will make her a much better parent than many others who has no opinion on parenting.

That was when I started appreciating our local excuse-making women. They are, after all, making a stand based on having an opinion. This morning, I just saw a husband grudgingly accompany his wife to the PD, the wife cradling the newborn throughout the hour long waiting time, while he plays games on his iPhone and answers her questions with disinterest. How could anyone, man or woman, ignore their own cutest freshest newborn?

My conclusion is that wanting and not wanting children are acceptable positions, but being lukewarm and on the fence is not acceptable. One has got to make up one's mind on yes or no.

But to the no-folks, I would say: it's really not that burdensome and not such a big sacrifice. I used to be on your side of the river, thinking it'll be so hard to give up my colourful action-packed still-so-promising-youthful life, for the drudgery of parenting.

But when Ian came, nothing felt like a sacrifice. Sure, I no longer have time to hit the gym regularly. Manicures, pedicures and massages is a rare and rushed treat. Golf is reduced to once a quarter (from once a fortnight). I no longer work past 8pm.

But really, how can I compare these to the rush of joy at my child's milestones: his first word, first step, first tooth, and so many more firsts. Of being the person honoured to make his own history with him. Comparing life without and with kids is like comparing a fake Chanel with the genuine classic looking Chanel. I was not always conscious of the missing treats, although honestly I do look back sometimes on some of the freedom I had, but with the perspective of a stage in life I passed and might revisit in the future.

Sure, I am responsible for providing for him, not just physically but also guiding him in his mental, emotional and even spiritual development. But therein lies one of the selfish and non-altruistic part about parenting - the chance to make a difference in someone's life where you have total vested interest in. And who wouldn't want that influential position?

Yes, there are pains in parenting, physical and emotional ones. But isn't there in every worthy relationship? If pain is to be avoided, one should not even have married.

When I was learning diving, I psyched myself each time before I jumped into the sea: Just do it. I didn't leave time to fears or worries, because there will definitely be some.

Parenting is one of those things in life, where if deep inside, you really want to have a child but are stopped by all its considerations, don't be afraid, and don't think of the As to Zs. Take that leap of courage, and faith, and just step into the river. Just do it.