Parenting 102

Ian is not 2 yet, but he has been testing his boundaries. A sly step into the balcony before his Daddy catches him in the act & hollers "NO!" is followed by quiet submission for 10 minutes, before he tries again.

With the dawn of this new era - Ian finding freedom, & wanting to use it - we find ourselves settling into default good cop bad cop roles. For once, I get to be good cop (Whee!)! Ian is smart & always tries to get away with cheeky grins whenever I act fierce. With Glenn, obedience is immediate.... & so we've been finding Glenn doing much of the stern-faced commanding while I (whee!) get to do the embracing & the sayang thing, allowing my maternal love to overflow.. Haha.

Recently I've been wondering if Glenn is too harsh with him. As much as I enjoy my good cop, I don't want Ian to grow up fearing his Dad. I imagine that when a child is brought up by fear, there might be submission in the short-term, but the child will be stifled, and will seek to flee once he has wings.

As parents, we do have to make firm stands and enforce discipline, because here is the foundation to the years ahead, and we begin with the end in mind. Yet the discipline has to be tempered & exceeded much more with unconditional love. It's one thing to love your child (most parents do), it's another for your child to know the extent of your love (many children do not know). It's one thing to love your child unconditionally, and it's another to be lazy & let your child do anything he wants, to his own future detriment.

So today I thought of how parenting is, again, so similar to management. If rule is by fear, there is no bond, no space for creativity & growth, no efficiency, because one has to hold our breaths with every step. On the other extreme, laissez faire management only fuels time bombs that will one day explode for the unfortunate person who inherited the situation.

It takes wisdom, experience & dedication to make the calls, when is too much and when some mistakes are allowed. I might be too idealistic in thinking this, but I think it anyway: it's all about the people. The products & the process comes second.

It's a rare manager who combines warmth, firmness, space to try & fail, strong guidance & direction, and strategic interference. The handful I know in this great manager category have this in common: their people-orientation, going out of their way for their people, focus on growing their people's talents.

With that in mind and with God's grace, may we grow to be the parents who knows when to what, whose children know how much they are unconditionally loved by us, even when we discipline.

& as we become good parents, so will we become as managers...hopefully.

Here I go again...

I can barely remember how it was like during the 1st trimester of having Ian in my tummy, save for the key highlights, like seeing Ian for the first time through the scan, in a tiny 3.4mm yolk sac beating vigorously. That was the turning point from being depressed to all-embracing.

So 19 months on, with my 2nd child 6 weeks old in my belly, I found myself asking "was it like this the last time?!". This pregnancy definitely feels different. For one, I do not remember having this voracious appetite during the 1st trimester. This nauseous feeling sets in every few hours, and triggers very specific cravings to curb the nausea.

Like out of nowhere, I needed carrot cake. Needed is the word because any other foods will not help. Then there were chwee kuay, pastamania's pasta, fried beehoon. For the past few days I've been seeking food every 3-4 hours.

Only God can feed me and keep my weight gain below 11kg this time round! This coming week looks scary from here, I really don't know how I can go through it and do everything I want to do. I will have to take it one day at a time and just do it. So God, this week, it's on You. You will carry me through & I will come out smelling sweet still. :)