2012... wow.

Life took over this year and I've been so busy and mentally preparing for 2013 that I never thought to look back at the year... till last Sunday's thanksgiving service.

In that 1 second of reflection, it hit me how much God has done in my life this year....

I had my beautiful baby girl Zoe. She arrived all big doe eyes, chubby and inquisitive. Healthy and whole. I was earlier concerned if I could love another child like I did Ian...and how unfounded it was.

I got my new place. We only dared dream we could have a place like this. It was still a roller coaster ride as I recall, the whole considering, offering, signing, renovation and move in process. But, we're here and we're happily settled.

I moved into my new role. The outlook for my work was cloudy in the first half and there were weeks when I kept wondering why, and felt stuck. But I was glad we didn't take matters into our own hands. We just laboured to enter the rest... And my, how God turned things around for me.

When these things happened, I did not check off the list of 3 things I had asked God for at beginning of 2012. It all happened so fast and so "naturally-super". But that's how amazing our God is. No fanfare, no sparks or fireworks. Just quietly behind the scenes lining up everything for me to be surprised with.

We got a bigger vehicle. It's not something we really wanted, to be honest. It's just us knowing now that God supplied even before we know we have a need. & now we see the need and are glad we got it even as COE continues to climb. 

At end 2012, I just want to give all glory to my God. Year after year, I have tasted His goodness and personally experienced His grace. Sometimes I come across books or materials that question His existence or the Bible's consistency. But none of it beats the knowledge that I could have been so much worse in life if left to my own devices... It's only by His grace that I'm here today. Thank you, Jesus.

And I put 2013 into Your Good Hands. There are so many things, but.... Jesus will bring me over to the other side. Like all the previous times.

Ian = God is gracious

Just like that, and 3 years has passed since you first came into our lives.

Happy birthday, my beloved. You will always be the one who opened my heart to the joy and honour of being a mum. The one whom we eagerly anticipated & imagined every night about, the 8 months you were in my tummy. The one who first confirmed in our hearts what God says, that "children are a gift from God." Who surprises us so often with new antics & expressions.

The one whom I tested all baby gym, playgroup, swimming trials & music classes on. The first one who kept everyone guessing who you resemble more. Who continues to reveal the wonder years of toddlerhood to us.

I never thought having you would enrich my life so much. For that, I have God to thank. That's one of the reasons we named you Ian, which means God is gracious. We did nothing to deserve you yet He gave so readily.

My prayer continues to be, that you will know & experience how much Jesus loves you. & never forget how much we love you.

Happy 3rd birthday, my Ian. We look forward to a great ride ahead.

Goodbye Kovan...

It's our last night in Kovan... from the time we bought our new place 2 months ago, things have been happening whirlwind fast... giving birth to Zoe, confinement, handing over work, renovating... & tomorrow is the day we sleep in our 3rd home as a family.

Didn't have time to feel nostalgic till today. Amidst the busyness, past good times in KM kept popping up in my mind... I thought back to the time when we moved here. It was our 1st private residence, our son was only 4 months old, & I had just gone back to work after maternity. We were still settling into our roles as parents. We came with hopes & dreams & a heart full of gratitude to God, whom we know gave us an adorable son & this lovely estate. Once a weeknight, we would walk to Ice Age for dinner & walk back, then head to the pool to sit & marvel at how nice this estate is. We did that every Saturday that we swam too. 

Our son grew up here, watching the fishes in the pond every evening with Kong Kong & swimming every other weekend with his Papa. He probably learnt birds, butterflies & basketball during the evening walks.

Just like that, 2+ years has passed, our daughter's 3 months old, & now we're moving again. We thank God for the new house & trust Him for more days of heaven on earth, with grace (Ian) & abundant life (Zoe). Where laughter will always ring & comfort always found in the house. Where each member will experience even more of God's peace & higher level of anointing.

While our new place will carry on our hopes & dreams, we will never forget KM & its wonderful environment, how it was our home when our family became more than just the 2 of us. Thank you, Kovan Mel, for the wonderful memories. Thank you, Daddy God, for even more exciting times ahead...

It's time...

My good friend delivered her baby gal last night. I remember feeling very excited for her, even right before falling asleep wondering how much she's dilated. At slightly past midnight, I was woken by text messages informing me of her baby's arrival. A picture of her newborn was received, & that's when it started to feel strange for me...

The baby was fresh out of her womb, still covered in vernix caseosa, eyes puffy & lips red. I suddenly remember that's how a newborn looks like, that I would be meeting mine in a month's time. All this while Zoe was to me a black & white ultrasound, a pair of legs always playfully pushing out of my tummy & constant flutters in my pelvis. I have not prepared myself to meet my flesh & blood Zoe with features like Ian gazing at me with dark beady newborn eyes & tiny nose & mouth.

And there's the delivery experience. My friend had given birth without epidural, the whole process lasting less than 6 hours. I was jolted to the fact that I would be going through the same contractions, though I'm really not confident I have the threshold she had to go through an epidural-free delivery. It's not something I can hear her relate and wonder how what if it's me. It will be me soon!

Time to get mentally prepared to welcome my girl into our life...

Having a baby is really a miracle unto itself. There are so many aspects, how your breastmilk adjusts to your baby's nutritional needs at various stages, how your body accommodates another living being while still keeping you functioning (a friend says the pelvis dislocates & relocates itself during birth), how an egg develops into an adorable chubby girl in 9+ months...

As a friend said, no one else can ever understand what a mummy goes through....in her words, the fatigue & physical tiredness feels like you're running a fever with no temperature after running a marathon & then got hit by a bus... I laughed at her graphic descriptions...maybe that's why mummies bond easily, it's like you've gone through BMT or shared a life-changing event together.

This evening, I held my son's hand & walked the corridors of the hospital looking for my friend's ward. Midway we encountered an elderly Malay man & a young Malay man pushing the baby cot out of the room. Both were fixed at the baby inside. I could almost literally see their faces beaming with light. The elderly man looked up & we smiled at each other. I could feel his pride & joy & satisfaction. As we passed, I said "congratulations", but he didn't hear me as he was wrapped up in the world of the child many times smaller & newer to the world than him.

Babies are such a miracle.