Mr Lee Kuan Yew,
We are extremely sad and emotional about your departure.
Not because we've lost you. No, your life's work is everywhere around us.
But because we'll miss you.
You have been so instrumental in and intertwined with Singapore's progress. And I regret we did not honour you enough when you were with us.
What strikes me about you is your dedication to both our country, and the late Mrs Lee. Rarely in politics do I see such a tight partnership between husband and wife. The quiet love for each other and commitment to the family, while maintaining demanding professional lives. My Pastor likes to say, no point being a public success and a private failure. We do not have enough of leaders like you, who are successful in both work and family.
For this, you have earned my respect and admiration. Not even going into the foresight you had, your courage and convictions, your belief that we, your citizens will make it. Your policies that made our lives better. You will continue to be an inspiration for me.
I wish I can be there to wave as they drive you past. The rain doesn't matter at all.
But no matter, I'll wave our Singapore flag at every National Day I am at, for the rest of the years come. And remember.
I'll tell my children about your policies, your ideas, your life, so that they'll stand proud to carry on as Singapore's next generation.
Today is the final goodbye here on earth. The whole week of tracking queues at the Padang has culminated in this sendoff. Even as I write from home, the rain pouring gives a strange comfort to my heavy heart.
My friend told me a conversation overhead when she was writing the condolence book. An old lady, not knowing how to write, had asked the volunteer to pen her thoughts for her. And she said (in Mandarin) "Mr Lee, I will still want to be your citizen in my next life."
You are that beloved amongst even the simple folk.
I don't believe in a next life, but in an afterlife.
Which is where I sincerely hope to meet you again, and convey my belated thanks in person. I pray you are in my Father's house, with your beloved Mrs Lee.
So thank you Mr Lee, for everything. Till we meet again.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Daydreaming...
Experts say a baby has intense love for only his mummy in his initial years. He will long for her voice & company & reserve his best smiles for her.
I'm grateful to be a beneficiary of this love, 3 times over.
This year, with the birth of my youngest child, I have started to day dream about the future & "carpark" the list of things I'll start / resume when my youngest turns independent & I have the freedom of time.
Examples wld be:
1. Join the choir again. Because being able to reach out with music is magical.
2. Train at being very good at golf. Targeting a handicap below 20?
3. Workout in gym & do pilates every week. I saw 2 seniors doing weights & resistance training the other day, it's very commendable & sure beats watching.
4. Play mellow Mondays netball again. With my 2 like-minded friends and our girls combined, we have a team of 8 already!
5. Read my books & reread my old favourites. I miss uninterrupted reading.
6. Last but not least, take a journey. Like the Trans Siberian.
It's funny the daydreams are recycles of what I was doing back in school and prior to kids. Some were even chores, like choir and reading for literature class. I guess it only goes to show how one should live the present to the fullest.
So meanwhile, I will relish this time of being my children's No 1 provider of fun, comfort, stories, & explanations of life around them. Of being the only woman in their lives & recipient of heartfelt hugs & kisses. Of being the most important & trusted person & in a position to share the most important things in life: especially God and family. Of being needed, wanted & loved simply because I'm Mummy.
Makes me excited about the journey into 2014 already, walking in my greatest calling.
I'm grateful to be a beneficiary of this love, 3 times over.
This year, with the birth of my youngest child, I have started to day dream about the future & "carpark" the list of things I'll start / resume when my youngest turns independent & I have the freedom of time.
Examples wld be:
1. Join the choir again. Because being able to reach out with music is magical.
2. Train at being very good at golf. Targeting a handicap below 20?
3. Workout in gym & do pilates every week. I saw 2 seniors doing weights & resistance training the other day, it's very commendable & sure beats watching.
4. Play mellow Mondays netball again. With my 2 like-minded friends and our girls combined, we have a team of 8 already!
5. Read my books & reread my old favourites. I miss uninterrupted reading.
6. Last but not least, take a journey. Like the Trans Siberian.
It's funny the daydreams are recycles of what I was doing back in school and prior to kids. Some were even chores, like choir and reading for literature class. I guess it only goes to show how one should live the present to the fullest.
So meanwhile, I will relish this time of being my children's No 1 provider of fun, comfort, stories, & explanations of life around them. Of being the only woman in their lives & recipient of heartfelt hugs & kisses. Of being the most important & trusted person & in a position to share the most important things in life: especially God and family. Of being needed, wanted & loved simply because I'm Mummy.
Makes me excited about the journey into 2014 already, walking in my greatest calling.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
life with Ben... 6 wks on
I must admit, its been tough so far... hadn't expected it to be so, it's my 3rd child after all.
Found myself caught unprepared for so many things...in summary his acid reflux, hence his slow feeds, & his discomfort when lying flat, resulting in having to prop him upright against my chest for at least an hour after each feed. I would have slept in that upright position too if not for fear of dropping him in my deep sleep.
I found myself having to relearn parenting. This must be why many parents looked so low morale & drained I thought. I am so blessed to have 2 earlier babies who did not have such troubles. But here I am with my 3rd.
The way he chokes intermittently during his sleep, face all crunched up & red, really makes our heart ache. The red patches of baby acne made everything look more severe.
We have had no nights of proper sleep since my confinement lady left 6 days ago. Instead my husband & I take turns to stay up so the other can steal some 3 hours of sleep. Amazingly we still managed the energy to celebrate my birthday on Tuesday.
When things look bleak & it seems this fatigue might go on forever, & questions like how am I going to make it back to work at this rate kept playing in my head, I just cry out to God. Deep in our hearts we believe that God has given us a healthy & whole baby. We are learning to keep trusting His goodness. I envision a near future when Ben can hang out in the living room, awake & alert with his bright eyes looking around, being coddled by his siblings.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies are new every morning. Amen.
Found myself caught unprepared for so many things...in summary his acid reflux, hence his slow feeds, & his discomfort when lying flat, resulting in having to prop him upright against my chest for at least an hour after each feed. I would have slept in that upright position too if not for fear of dropping him in my deep sleep.
I found myself having to relearn parenting. This must be why many parents looked so low morale & drained I thought. I am so blessed to have 2 earlier babies who did not have such troubles. But here I am with my 3rd.
The way he chokes intermittently during his sleep, face all crunched up & red, really makes our heart ache. The red patches of baby acne made everything look more severe.
We have had no nights of proper sleep since my confinement lady left 6 days ago. Instead my husband & I take turns to stay up so the other can steal some 3 hours of sleep. Amazingly we still managed the energy to celebrate my birthday on Tuesday.
When things look bleak & it seems this fatigue might go on forever, & questions like how am I going to make it back to work at this rate kept playing in my head, I just cry out to God. Deep in our hearts we believe that God has given us a healthy & whole baby. We are learning to keep trusting His goodness. I envision a near future when Ben can hang out in the living room, awake & alert with his bright eyes looking around, being coddled by his siblings.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies are new every morning. Amen.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
My beloved baby Ben
It's 4.34am on National Day and I've decided to sacrifice precious sleep in between the 3 hourly feeds to pen my thoughts about my precious newest addition to the family.
Truth be told, Ben wasn't always treated as precious. He was an unplanned baby, conceived when I was still breastfeeding my 2nd child who had not even turned 1. We had not settled into a comfortable routine with Zoe hence the question of whether we can and should have #3 have not even come about yet.
My thoughts and sentiments when I learnt of my pregnancy started with "oh no, I would have to take maternity leave again, so paiseh", followed by "how are we going to cope". Yet even with all these big questions in my head, life continued on at work, I continued to be busy and routines or diets did not change to suit one with a little life in my tummy.
So when I had 2 rounds of spotting at the 1st trimester, which depending on which gynae I saw was labelled as either "placenta bleeding" (private gynae) or "threatened miscarriage" (KK gynae), you can imagine how much I blamed myself. If I was living a mediocre existence, that episode was like a near-death experience that jolted me back into living life to the fullest. My maternal instincts turned on full volume and I realised that - planned or unplanned - this is my baby, my precious baby.
Then in the 2nd trimester, Zoe caught chicken pox. Her PD advised me to move out. The gynae at that time remained ambivalent about this move. Finally I moved to another room and stayed away from Zoe. But the only 2 persons not immune - Ian and I - still caught the virus. I searched the internet to find out the effects of pox on pregnant women and found varying feedback. At that point - my torso filled with pox - there was nothing to be done except take the gynae's prescription and most of all, trust God to keep my baby safe. That was certainly a helpless time. The most proactive thing we did was to pray for the health and wholeness of our baby constantly and trust that God is taking good care of him (the friends who stood and prayed with us, thank you!). It was this time that we decided to name him Benjamin.
And God doesn't fail us. Ben was born heaviest amongst my 3 children, despite my meagre sandwich lunches and junk food snacking. There was no signs of effects of pox on him. My gynae commented that my womb is very efficient, hence the good birth weight. She went on to say my 4th will exceed 4kg, but that's not important. At a head circumfrence of 37cm, it was still a natural delivery, but I will call it supernatural because I would have to consider C-sec if I had known.
Many people asked why we did not choose another 3 letter 2 syllabus name in line with Ian and Zoe's. To us, Benjamin is most befitting because things were not within our control yet God blesses and provides much more than we expect, much like the Benjamin in the bible. Like the youngest son of Jacob, there was nothing we could give or do and everything we received by grace.
My precious little one turns 1 month old in just a few minutes... Although we already have 2 adorable children, somehow God made space in our hearts to love the 3rd one equally yet differently. Benjamin has his own set of lovable behaviours and I look forward to discovering his character and how he fits in with his siblings. My hubby and I asked each other yesterday if we each favoured a particular child but we truly do not. Maybe we have not as yet but we'll take everyday as it comes and hope God provides us continuously with more then enough love to spread around, and more than enough time, energy and finances to enjoy our family time abundantly.
Having 3 kids is a significant step from 2 in Singapore. 2 is comfortable for a mini-MPV but 3 is maximising it. 3 means we get to sit through the Kindy's year end concerts for 7 years. It means I still need to get keep Ian's stuff in the storeroom for 3 years for Ben. It often means having a second helper (still considering this). Yet while we mentally prepare ourselves for sibling fights, moments of spousal tensions (let's be real!), challenging logistics and patience-stretching times, we also look forward to many blessed days enjoying the 3 adorables as they grow up together, the future days having them chattering at our dinner table, and fast forward even more, days having a roomful of grandchildren and children during festivities. In other words, we discovered we actually remain hopeful and look forward to our future years.
Ben might be unplanned, but he is by no means an accident. We trust His timing. God knows we have always wished for a big household filled with happy noise! ;)
But, just to repeat for the record: shop closed!
Truth be told, Ben wasn't always treated as precious. He was an unplanned baby, conceived when I was still breastfeeding my 2nd child who had not even turned 1. We had not settled into a comfortable routine with Zoe hence the question of whether we can and should have #3 have not even come about yet.
My thoughts and sentiments when I learnt of my pregnancy started with "oh no, I would have to take maternity leave again, so paiseh", followed by "how are we going to cope". Yet even with all these big questions in my head, life continued on at work, I continued to be busy and routines or diets did not change to suit one with a little life in my tummy.
So when I had 2 rounds of spotting at the 1st trimester, which depending on which gynae I saw was labelled as either "placenta bleeding" (private gynae) or "threatened miscarriage" (KK gynae), you can imagine how much I blamed myself. If I was living a mediocre existence, that episode was like a near-death experience that jolted me back into living life to the fullest. My maternal instincts turned on full volume and I realised that - planned or unplanned - this is my baby, my precious baby.
Then in the 2nd trimester, Zoe caught chicken pox. Her PD advised me to move out. The gynae at that time remained ambivalent about this move. Finally I moved to another room and stayed away from Zoe. But the only 2 persons not immune - Ian and I - still caught the virus. I searched the internet to find out the effects of pox on pregnant women and found varying feedback. At that point - my torso filled with pox - there was nothing to be done except take the gynae's prescription and most of all, trust God to keep my baby safe. That was certainly a helpless time. The most proactive thing we did was to pray for the health and wholeness of our baby constantly and trust that God is taking good care of him (the friends who stood and prayed with us, thank you!). It was this time that we decided to name him Benjamin.
And God doesn't fail us. Ben was born heaviest amongst my 3 children, despite my meagre sandwich lunches and junk food snacking. There was no signs of effects of pox on him. My gynae commented that my womb is very efficient, hence the good birth weight. She went on to say my 4th will exceed 4kg, but that's not important. At a head circumfrence of 37cm, it was still a natural delivery, but I will call it supernatural because I would have to consider C-sec if I had known.
Many people asked why we did not choose another 3 letter 2 syllabus name in line with Ian and Zoe's. To us, Benjamin is most befitting because things were not within our control yet God blesses and provides much more than we expect, much like the Benjamin in the bible. Like the youngest son of Jacob, there was nothing we could give or do and everything we received by grace.
My precious little one turns 1 month old in just a few minutes... Although we already have 2 adorable children, somehow God made space in our hearts to love the 3rd one equally yet differently. Benjamin has his own set of lovable behaviours and I look forward to discovering his character and how he fits in with his siblings. My hubby and I asked each other yesterday if we each favoured a particular child but we truly do not. Maybe we have not as yet but we'll take everyday as it comes and hope God provides us continuously with more then enough love to spread around, and more than enough time, energy and finances to enjoy our family time abundantly.
Having 3 kids is a significant step from 2 in Singapore. 2 is comfortable for a mini-MPV but 3 is maximising it. 3 means we get to sit through the Kindy's year end concerts for 7 years. It means I still need to get keep Ian's stuff in the storeroom for 3 years for Ben. It often means having a second helper (still considering this). Yet while we mentally prepare ourselves for sibling fights, moments of spousal tensions (let's be real!), challenging logistics and patience-stretching times, we also look forward to many blessed days enjoying the 3 adorables as they grow up together, the future days having them chattering at our dinner table, and fast forward even more, days having a roomful of grandchildren and children during festivities. In other words, we discovered we actually remain hopeful and look forward to our future years.
Ben might be unplanned, but he is by no means an accident. We trust His timing. God knows we have always wished for a big household filled with happy noise! ;)
But, just to repeat for the record: shop closed!
Monday, December 31, 2012
2012... wow.
Life took over this year and I've been so busy and mentally preparing for 2013 that I never thought to look back at the year... till last Sunday's thanksgiving service.
In that 1 second of reflection, it hit me how much God has done in my life this year....
I had my beautiful baby girl Zoe. She arrived all big doe eyes, chubby and inquisitive. Healthy and whole. I was earlier concerned if I could love another child like I did Ian...and how unfounded it was.
I got my new place. We only dared dream we could have a place like this. It was still a roller coaster ride as I recall, the whole considering, offering, signing, renovation and move in process. But, we're here and we're happily settled.
I moved into my new role. The outlook for my work was cloudy in the first half and there were weeks when I kept wondering why, and felt stuck. But I was glad we didn't take matters into our own hands. We just laboured to enter the rest... And my, how God turned things around for me.
When these things happened, I did not check off the list of 3 things I had asked God for at beginning of 2012. It all happened so fast and so "naturally-super". But that's how amazing our God is. No fanfare, no sparks or fireworks. Just quietly behind the scenes lining up everything for me to be surprised with.
We got a bigger vehicle. It's not something we really wanted, to be honest. It's just us knowing now that God supplied even before we know we have a need. & now we see the need and are glad we got it even as COE continues to climb.
At end 2012, I just want to give all glory to my God. Year after year, I have tasted His goodness and personally experienced His grace. Sometimes I come across books or materials that question His existence or the Bible's consistency. But none of it beats the knowledge that I could have been so much worse in life if left to my own devices... It's only by His grace that I'm here today. Thank you, Jesus.
And I put 2013 into Your Good Hands. There are so many things, but.... Jesus will bring me over to the other side. Like all the previous times.
In that 1 second of reflection, it hit me how much God has done in my life this year....
I had my beautiful baby girl Zoe. She arrived all big doe eyes, chubby and inquisitive. Healthy and whole. I was earlier concerned if I could love another child like I did Ian...and how unfounded it was.
I got my new place. We only dared dream we could have a place like this. It was still a roller coaster ride as I recall, the whole considering, offering, signing, renovation and move in process. But, we're here and we're happily settled.
I moved into my new role. The outlook for my work was cloudy in the first half and there were weeks when I kept wondering why, and felt stuck. But I was glad we didn't take matters into our own hands. We just laboured to enter the rest... And my, how God turned things around for me.
When these things happened, I did not check off the list of 3 things I had asked God for at beginning of 2012. It all happened so fast and so "naturally-super". But that's how amazing our God is. No fanfare, no sparks or fireworks. Just quietly behind the scenes lining up everything for me to be surprised with.
We got a bigger vehicle. It's not something we really wanted, to be honest. It's just us knowing now that God supplied even before we know we have a need. & now we see the need and are glad we got it even as COE continues to climb.
At end 2012, I just want to give all glory to my God. Year after year, I have tasted His goodness and personally experienced His grace. Sometimes I come across books or materials that question His existence or the Bible's consistency. But none of it beats the knowledge that I could have been so much worse in life if left to my own devices... It's only by His grace that I'm here today. Thank you, Jesus.
And I put 2013 into Your Good Hands. There are so many things, but.... Jesus will bring me over to the other side. Like all the previous times.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Ian = God is gracious
Just like that, and 3 years has passed since you first came into our lives.
Happy birthday, my beloved. You will always be the one who opened my heart to the joy and honour of being a mum. The one whom we eagerly anticipated & imagined every night about, the 8 months you were in my tummy. The one who first confirmed in our hearts what God says, that "children are a gift from God." Who surprises us so often with new antics & expressions.
The one whom I tested all baby gym, playgroup, swimming trials & music classes on. The first one who kept everyone guessing who you resemble more. Who continues to reveal the wonder years of toddlerhood to us.
I never thought having you would enrich my life so much. For that, I have God to thank. That's one of the reasons we named you Ian, which means God is gracious. We did nothing to deserve you yet He gave so readily.
My prayer continues to be, that you will know & experience how much Jesus loves you. & never forget how much we love you.
Happy 3rd birthday, my Ian. We look forward to a great ride ahead.
Happy birthday, my beloved. You will always be the one who opened my heart to the joy and honour of being a mum. The one whom we eagerly anticipated & imagined every night about, the 8 months you were in my tummy. The one who first confirmed in our hearts what God says, that "children are a gift from God." Who surprises us so often with new antics & expressions.
The one whom I tested all baby gym, playgroup, swimming trials & music classes on. The first one who kept everyone guessing who you resemble more. Who continues to reveal the wonder years of toddlerhood to us.
I never thought having you would enrich my life so much. For that, I have God to thank. That's one of the reasons we named you Ian, which means God is gracious. We did nothing to deserve you yet He gave so readily.
My prayer continues to be, that you will know & experience how much Jesus loves you. & never forget how much we love you.
Happy 3rd birthday, my Ian. We look forward to a great ride ahead.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Goodbye Kovan...
It's our last night in Kovan... from the time we bought our new place 2 months ago, things have been happening whirlwind fast... giving birth to Zoe, confinement, handing over work, renovating... & tomorrow is the day we sleep in our 3rd home as a family.
Didn't have time to feel nostalgic till today. Amidst the busyness, past good times in KM kept popping up in my mind... I thought back to the time when we moved here. It was our 1st private residence, our son was only 4 months old, & I had just gone back to work after maternity. We were still settling into our roles as parents. We came with hopes & dreams & a heart full of gratitude to God, whom we know gave us an adorable son & this lovely estate. Once a weeknight, we would walk to Ice Age for dinner & walk back, then head to the pool to sit & marvel at how nice this estate is. We did that every Saturday that we swam too.
Our son grew up here, watching the fishes in the pond every evening with Kong Kong & swimming every other weekend with his Papa. He probably learnt birds, butterflies & basketball during the evening walks.
Just like that, 2+ years has passed, our daughter's 3 months old, & now we're moving again. We thank God for the new house & trust Him for more days of heaven on earth, with grace (Ian) & abundant life (Zoe). Where laughter will always ring & comfort always found in the house. Where each member will experience even more of God's peace & higher level of anointing.
While our new place will carry on our hopes & dreams, we will never forget KM & its wonderful environment, how it was our home when our family became more than just the 2 of us. Thank you, Kovan Mel, for the wonderful memories. Thank you, Daddy God, for even more exciting times ahead...
Didn't have time to feel nostalgic till today. Amidst the busyness, past good times in KM kept popping up in my mind... I thought back to the time when we moved here. It was our 1st private residence, our son was only 4 months old, & I had just gone back to work after maternity. We were still settling into our roles as parents. We came with hopes & dreams & a heart full of gratitude to God, whom we know gave us an adorable son & this lovely estate. Once a weeknight, we would walk to Ice Age for dinner & walk back, then head to the pool to sit & marvel at how nice this estate is. We did that every Saturday that we swam too.
Our son grew up here, watching the fishes in the pond every evening with Kong Kong & swimming every other weekend with his Papa. He probably learnt birds, butterflies & basketball during the evening walks.
Just like that, 2+ years has passed, our daughter's 3 months old, & now we're moving again. We thank God for the new house & trust Him for more days of heaven on earth, with grace (Ian) & abundant life (Zoe). Where laughter will always ring & comfort always found in the house. Where each member will experience even more of God's peace & higher level of anointing.
While our new place will carry on our hopes & dreams, we will never forget KM & its wonderful environment, how it was our home when our family became more than just the 2 of us. Thank you, Kovan Mel, for the wonderful memories. Thank you, Daddy God, for even more exciting times ahead...
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