It's 4.34am on National Day and I've decided to sacrifice precious sleep in between the 3 hourly feeds to pen my thoughts about my precious newest addition to the family.
Truth be told, Ben wasn't always treated as precious. He was an unplanned baby, conceived when I was still breastfeeding my 2nd child who had not even turned 1. We had not settled into a comfortable routine with Zoe hence the question of whether we can and should have #3 have not even come about yet.
My thoughts and sentiments when I learnt of my pregnancy started with "oh no, I would have to take maternity leave again, so paiseh", followed by "how are we going to cope". Yet even with all these big questions in my head, life continued on at work, I continued to be busy and routines or diets did not change to suit one with a little life in my tummy.
So when I had 2 rounds of spotting at the 1st trimester, which depending on which gynae I saw was labelled as either "placenta bleeding" (private gynae) or "threatened miscarriage" (KK gynae), you can imagine how much I blamed myself. If I was living a mediocre existence, that episode was like a near-death experience that jolted me back into living life to the fullest. My maternal instincts turned on full volume and I realised that - planned or unplanned - this is my baby, my precious baby.
Then in the 2nd trimester, Zoe caught chicken pox. Her PD advised me to move out. The gynae at that time remained ambivalent about this move. Finally I moved to another room and stayed away from Zoe. But the only 2 persons not immune - Ian and I - still caught the virus. I searched the internet to find out the effects of pox on pregnant women and found varying feedback. At that point - my torso filled with pox - there was nothing to be done except take the gynae's prescription and most of all, trust God to keep my baby safe. That was certainly a helpless time. The most proactive thing we did was to pray for the health and wholeness of our baby constantly and trust that God is taking good care of him (the friends who stood and prayed with us, thank you!). It was this time that we decided to name him Benjamin.
And God doesn't fail us. Ben was born heaviest amongst my 3 children, despite my meagre sandwich lunches and junk food snacking. There was no signs of effects of pox on him. My gynae commented that my womb is very efficient, hence the good birth weight. She went on to say my 4th will exceed 4kg, but that's not important. At a head circumfrence of 37cm, it was still a natural delivery, but I will call it supernatural because I would have to consider C-sec if I had known.
Many people asked why we did not choose another 3 letter 2 syllabus name in line with Ian and Zoe's. To us, Benjamin is most befitting because things were not within our control yet God blesses and provides much more than we expect, much like the Benjamin in the bible. Like the youngest son of Jacob, there was nothing we could give or do and everything we received by grace.
My precious little one turns 1 month old in just a few minutes... Although we already have 2 adorable children, somehow God made space in our hearts to love the 3rd one equally yet differently. Benjamin has his own set of lovable behaviours and I look forward to discovering his character and how he fits in with his siblings. My hubby and I asked each other yesterday if we each favoured a particular child but we truly do not. Maybe we have not as yet but we'll take everyday as it comes and hope God provides us continuously with more then enough love to spread around, and more than enough time, energy and finances to enjoy our family time abundantly.
Having 3 kids is a significant step from 2 in Singapore. 2 is comfortable for a mini-MPV but 3 is maximising it. 3 means we get to sit through the Kindy's year end concerts for 7 years. It means I still need to get keep Ian's stuff in the storeroom for 3 years for Ben. It often means having a second helper (still considering this). Yet while we mentally prepare ourselves for sibling fights, moments of spousal tensions (let's be real!), challenging logistics and patience-stretching times, we also look forward to many blessed days enjoying the 3 adorables as they grow up together, the future days having them chattering at our dinner table, and fast forward even more, days having a roomful of grandchildren and children during festivities. In other words, we discovered we actually remain hopeful and look forward to our future years.
Ben might be unplanned, but he is by no means an accident. We trust His timing. God knows we have always wished for a big household filled with happy noise! ;)
But, just to repeat for the record: shop closed!
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