Of course, I had to deal with the lethargy & discomfort of the first trimester.My first pregnancy seemed easy in comparison to this one during the first 3 months, and it nearly made me decide to stop at 2. But yesterday noon, the lower back pain came subtly yet strong, so much so that I would have asked for a seat on the MRT if no one offered me. Then last night, a calf muscle cramp gripped so hard I can still feel the soreness now. & I found myself feeling creaky during the yoga stretches today. I had a backache after sitting on the floor for 10 minutes earlier.
The thing is, I know I am pregnant and I desire this baby, but somehow the reality of actually having a 2nd child and a daughter at that - something I daydreamed about after giving birth to Ian - has not set in fully.
Maybe I haven't had the time to enjoy & savour every moment like my 1st time. Watching Ian grow up keeps me fully occupied... I do at times feel bad about not devoting so much to Zoe, but I suspect many 2nd time mums have some kind of guilt here or there too. There's just not that much gear & knowledge to equip myself with this round, so I just buy clothes as a ritual of getting myself prepared.
I often think back on my first pregnancy experience & reminisce... I will never feel that way again, cos every pregnancy is different, now I know. It would be great to have distinct memories of carrying Zoe though, so maybe the occasional insomnia, the need to rest my back & leave Ian to his Dad, the urge to buy baby girl clothes, will provide me with some quiet time with her.
Last night, I also felt very distinctly Zoe's regular movements, like flutters below my navel. I wondered how she looks like & pray she takes on our best features, have a temperament like her Dad's, is an easy baby, and will be a good sibling to her kor kor... well, this part is still the same, the uncertainty, the prayers, the hope, the eager anticipation of our very own, Pauline+Glenn version 2. This still keeps me excited.
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