The story I hear is that her husband's cancer was discovered just last year. Recently, he had some water retention and had to be checked. And then, he passed on.
When I hugged my colleague earlier, I was the one with tears in my eyes. Because in my interactions with her at work, I had never seen a shade of troubled heart or burden. She's been consistently chatty and smiley. So this was a shock to many of us at work.
Because even at the funeral, she seems determined to stay strong. She told me "praise God, he was peaceful when he left", her eyes glimmering not with tears but with hope of seeing him in heaven. And I believe she's doing this for her children.
Which is the thing that most breaks my heart: her 2 teenage children. It's because I'm also a mum, so I know how much of sharing a live together there must have been for the couple. How many nights of excited prayers during pregnancy, how many moments of joy at seeing the growing child cross milestones, how many believing God together times, how many strategise on managing the children sessions, how many exchanging knowing parent looks moments, how many dreaming of the future, quarrelling about plans, and making up times.
The word to describe is "xing suan" in Chinese. Not so much of a heart feeling sour, more of a heart feeling so much for her yet there are no words appropriate enough, to give her the comfort she deserves. The best I could do was to give her a hug, & hold back my tears, seeing how much she does not want that even for herself.
I pray that God will restore many more times of what she has lost here on earth. And that her future and her children's future will shine brighter and brighter. God's grace is able to do that.
It's been awhile since "carpe diem" flashed in my mind. But here it is now. Seize the day. Enjoy my loved ones and don't wait.
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